I am stuck in a trough of hatred and self loathing. This happens often enough. I know that I will soon come out of the funk but for now I just have to endure it. I feel awful. It's like I need to expel or kill something inside me, like a burning astringent dark tar of sorts.
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Just dont care, people are always talking about sad things like ai taking our jobs, war in Ukraine, war in Gaza, racism and homophobia. Hearing all these people discuss such topics with extreme rage is saddening, so try not to care. Why should I be forced to have an opinion on something that doesn't affect me? Even if something does mean a lot to you. I had this friend who liked a girl, the girl was already dating; instead of being sad, he just stopped caring.
Life is too short to care.
Plow through as if you're the happiest mofo out there. What so many depression sufferers lament the most after they come out of it is all the things they didn't do and the long term plans they didn't make because they were living as if they could kill themselves at any moment. "Why work out today? Bunch of wasted effort when I'm gonna kill myself if I have one more day like XYZ" or "Yeah she gave me 'the look' but I can barely handle life alone, now I'm gonna add maintaining a relationship to this? Nah..."
On and on for any future-facing moves or activities that would require engaging "normal person" mode for a while when that's they last thing you want to suffer through. So yeah fake it until your brain chemicals decide to stop being a dick so you don't wind up dropping out of life only to pop up once the smoke clears and be worse off than pre-funk.
It's difficult to will yourself to do things in that state though. But I do understand where you're coming from. Thanks for the advice. Right now I'm sort of stuck waiting for a job which is coming but doesn't start yet so that's adding to it.
relatable