I've decided to join this site as a diary of sorts. I have been struggling recently with life. I started going to church about 6 months ago...I grew up without a strong religious influence despite having a Christian family members. However, after struggling all my life, I thought perhaps I should give it a try. I have always thought that people only believed in god as something to motivate you throughout life. I previously assumed: when we die we just die, end of story. Your brain is developed in the womb and when you die, your brain dies; you are dead. The end. No afterlife, nothing. One day, I thought: maybe religion is something I might need. Something I could believe in, something to get me though life... to make me happy—yet, I feel nothing. I don't believe in god. I can't seem to allow myself to truly believe no matter how hard I try. Does anyone have any tips to feel more fulfilled? Should I continue to make the effort and pursue a religious path?
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I'm not sure what the view is called, spiritualism or something similar, but I've come to believe that God makes himself known to us by any means. That doesn't mean that it'll be like 'oh shit, that's definitely God' but more something more akin to 'this thing had to have happened for a reason, and the only thing I can pin that reason on is God's influence. Thus, God is everywhere, and God is everything.
The world is brimming with detail and beauty, and there will always be something new to surprise you if you look. Maybe I don't pray as much as I should, and I feel like I should attend church but I just don't feel the motivation to do so, but I feel God's presence in my life because of these small miracles. A stranger and I had a unique conversation. A dragonfly perched upon my outstretched arm. The sun illuminated the clouds in the sky with an incredible golden visage.
When I begin to see the world as being full of gifts for me, I appreciated it more.
yes...you can say some things could be God's influence. However, they may only be coincidences. I mean, no one truly knows. I'm not trying to say there isn't a possibility of God existence, but there is a chance there is no god after all. How can I allow myself to pick an entity to fully believe in when there is no concrete evidence supporting anything to be entirely true? I don't feel the need to say everything I see is because of god or his doing. I already appreciate the world as is, and I don't feel that I have a greater appreciation when I do say its from God. Still, I enjoy going to church. I like the community of it and some of the basic morals about being kind and such. It's just, every time I try to believe, I end up feeling like a fake.
Try using this line of thinking to your advantage. What is it you believe in that makes you feel the most "real"? That's probably a good starting place for focusing your concerns.