I'm going insane

Over the past year I have exerted tremendous amounts of effort to change my life, but I'm still stuck in the same bullshit.

I am still unemployed despite having a degree and spending the last 9 months job hunting. This is mostly because I live abroad in a country with fucked up laws that restrict foreigners from doing most entry-level or low-paying jobs. So for someone like me fresh out of uni, this basically means I can go fuck myself. I even got a job offer 4 months ago, but I still can't legally begin working cuz of bureaucratic bullshit that has been delaying the process. I don't even care about the job anymore, I just want to get a clear answer whether they'll employ me or not so that I could move on and maybe find something better perhaps in another country. Unfortunately I can't do shit but just sit and wait.

Adding to that, I just recently ended a long-term relationship cuz that shit was eating away at my soul for the past year. There was a point when I realized that I wanted to leave but me being myself I was waiting for the best moment to do so, which never came. And now that I've finally broken up with them, I am stuck in this post-breakup bullshit where I've already decided that I won't come back anymore but I still can't move-on completely because we had shared housing+finances that we gotta figure out right now. Well at least I've actually managed to finally initiate the breakup so eventually this will all be over.

I guess I just gotta wait for things to clear out. But I am so fucking tired of waiting. I've been doing nothing but waiting for almost a year, waiting for a chance, for an opportunity, for some kind of salvation. But it never came. I feel hope leaving my soul every single day that passes. It was really hard to accept, but now I can say it for sure, I was deeply depressed for a long time and this depression still lingers. Everything I feel just feels tuned down. Every spark of joy seems to fade away almost as soon as it appears. Things that used to be fun before aren't so fun anymore. Whenever I do feel happy it usually lasts just a bit, and the next moment I am back feeling like shit. The shitty feelings linger all around me and whatever I do they always come back. I don't know what to do or where to go.

Someone get me out of this hell.