>ex fucks me up beyond recognition and has essentially gaslit me into somehow semi-forgiving her after cheating on me, even though she hasn't gone back on her actions

>meet a girl after her and fuck up everything because she's a normie. I end up hurting someone but cut her off in 3 days asap

>meet another one, she's too ugly and my standards are horribly fucked after my ex of 3 years

>i meet yet another one. things turn out incredibly well for a little bit and i start to heavily crush on her after a few sleep calls and such. turns out she never felt the same way

>now she has been avoiding me and makes excuses for not wanting to hang out. lose all my feelings after feeling like a cuck yet again (she's hanging out with others all the time lately) and decide that i'm going to cut her off.

>meet one that I do like and that likes me back, but I feel so utterly fucked by my relationship life that I start to wonder if I should just disappear and swear off love forever, because I'm not completely deadset on this girl

>mfw this is all because my fucking ex cheated on me

>mfw if I never met her I would probably be fine right now

>mfw being a loner who couldn't get any female attention was way better because I didn't know what it was like

My rational mind tells me to just keep going and settle for this but I know in my heart that I must be making the wrong decision. That the right thing to do is to just disappear. And kill myself too probably