Lore entry submission i've been working on, tell me what you guys think of it.

"This all happened back in the winter of '68, during that border dispute with the Lupes. I was a greenhorn freshly transferred from the 21st Mechanized Infantry to the 2nd Air Cavalry, all because I managed to shoot decently with the machinegun on a Bantam and because the Brass was too cheap to give any civilians with experience on a helicopter a decent wage for getting shot at while operating their new rotorcraft fleet. Now, my first few missions by this point were just delivering supplies all over, which ain't too bad aside from the nausea, but then we get one that was a bit too risky for my comfort. One of our forward positions in the Ebon Forest had come under attack from the Dog-faces and the commander there requested immediate reinforcements. We were the closest unit at the time, and probably the only one which could be spared, so we were the ones sent to help. When we arrived, however, there was hardly anyone left, just a few guys with serious injuries, a lot of corpses, and not a Lupe in sight. So we land to get everyone still alive into the Bison and figure out what happened. I'm still in the Bison, manning the gun, when only a few feet in front of me, a Lupe jumps out seemingly from nowhere, with fur as white as the freshly fallen snow, and naked as the day he was born. That is, aside from the .30 he had in his claws. He was quick on the draw too, almost split my skull open with a bullet, but luckily I was quicker and managed to blast him first with the minigun. After that the woods began to teem with his fellow territorials, who all began to fire on us. Everyone got in the Bison real quick after that, and as we took off I kept firing at the dog-faces down below. I tell you I'll never forget what that clearing looked like as we left it behind. Everywhere I fired a bullet, it was like a crimson flower bloomed on that field of white. It was one of the most surreal things i've seen in my entire life."

-Daan Van Buren, Veteran

any thoughts?