I am cursed and I am dying

my gf just got into a car crash because she offered to pick me up in a thunderstorm I am losing my mind apparently she's okay just bruised and getting towed why does I cherish end up killing themselves trying to kill themselves or getting hurt this is unbearable why does this always happen to everyone I love

my mom told me during one of her manic episodes that I was cursed and everything starting going wrong after I was born and that it was all my fault maybe she was right I wanna die maybe the only way to end the curse to finally kill myself